By Lisa Alber
I don’t have anything word crafty or wise to say this week. Today’s Friday. I was supposed to have my post up by Wednesday. I do apologize.
What’s going on, you ask?
Weellll … Have I mentioned that I suffer from depression? I’m copping to it a lot these days because what happens is that when I sink below a certain point, I don’t keep track of things well … appointments, social events, and, yes, blogging commitments, slip past me. I’ve been apologizing a lot the last couple of months. It’s very tiresome.
What about keeping lists, you ask?
I do — when I’m my normal self. Writing task lists is a monumental effort right now. Listen, it’s like this: if I can barely get up the energy to brush my teeth before bed, do you really think I’m going to rally my brain to write lists?
The good thing is that I might be on the mend. I cleaned my home last week and have been keeping it tidy since then. This is a good sign.
Here’s what I wonder … Supposedly, being a published author (which I can at last say I am) means I’m a “public figure.” It means I have a choice about how I present myself professionally to the world. It’s probably not a good idea to be fully myself all the time out here — at least about the downer stuff.
But I don’t know any other way to be. So here I am! And it strikes me strange that I feel the need to apologize and explain depression. For me at least, it’s as physical an illness as, say, diabetes would be. Chemical imbalance, neurotransmitters, serotonin levels … blah blah blah. It’s just that since my particular chronic health issue affects my energy and behavior and perceptions and emotions, my very thoughts, it’s not so easy to talk about.
Ah well. Here’s what I really have to say for myself today: I’m working on my second novel, GREY MAN (tentative title), and I washed my hair this morning.