How to Get Rich Selling a Novel to a Major Publisher, 2000 vs. 2019

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Prologue: I wrote this as a joke among friends in January. This week, I posted the original version as a thread on Facebook. Sadly, it was taken seriously. I’ve been full-time freelance since 1990. I have had wonderful experiences with editors, agents, publishers, and other writers. I’ve also had horrible experiences that include having work stolen, pirated, and used in ways I did not authorize and from which I did not profit. Buy me a scotch at a conference, and I’ll tell you horror stories. However, I will also require you to listen to the glorious moments that I have been privileged to experience. I know of no profession or job that does not include both good and bad experiences. Writing, more than most jobs, is a lifestyle profession. Please don’t take this seriously. Little bits are true. Other bits feel true to some people. However, that little bit of truth and feeling are mixed with lies and myths to create the following.

How to Get Rich Selling a Novel to a Major Publisher, 2000 vs. 2019

by Eric Witchey

2000:

  1. Learn the Craft.
  2. Write a good book.
  3. Get an agent.
  4. Sell the book.
  5. Go to signings and parties.
  6. Write another good book.

2019:

  1. Be really lucky, or….
  2. Establish financial support and freedom to pursue craft: husband, wife, trust fund, inheritance, poverty lifestyle, Patreon, GoFundMe, hut on a third-world beach, a diamond heist, etc.
  3. Choose a currently very popular genre. Base the choice on what you like to watch on TV.
  4. Read a few popular books in that genre so you can pretend to have read a lot.
  5. Learn enough of the language of craft any way you can to sound like you understand it when you are interviewed for webcasts or by Oprah.
  6. Establish credentials that prove you learned the craft: A couple honorary internet Ph.Ds or a six-week, low-residency MFA are good enough. In a pinch, Microsoft Certifications can be used. You can also purchase reviews, purchase awards, and pay someone to campaign for awards for you.
  7. Spend a few thousand dollars attending a conference and buying people drinks where editors and agents can be met and slowly befriended while you repeat this exercise 20 times a year to demonstrates that you have number 2 firmly in hand and can travel the country and world promoting and hand-selling the books a publisher might buy.
  8. Establish platform: Build, buy, or steal a mailing list of over 50k people, create or hire out author sites on all social media systems. Don’t worry. You don’t have to use them. You just have to have them so the marketing team can nod sagely and say that you have platform.
  9. Establish more platform: Create or hire out a successful YouTube channel, generate endless self-promoted appearances, hire a click farm to manipulate search engine hits on your name to exceed 500k, participate in lots of blogs and vlogs talking about you and your life as a famous writer.
  10. Write, or hire someone to write in your name, a book or series of books that: can be compared to two, but no more than three, extremely successful books or series so that marketing people can begin to believe they won’t have to work if they allow your book to be purchased by the publisher. However, be careful that your book or series is just different enough so that they have to change the cover art, blurbs, and press releases they used for the books you compared yours to. You can’t be too careful with marketing people.
  11. Get a famous author with film industry connections, say George R. R. Martin, to pitch your book or series to Netflix, HBO, or the Syfy Channel.
  12. Get an offer.
  13. Show the unsigned film offer to a publisher.
  14. Get an offer.
  15. Show the unsigned book offer to an agent.
  16. Sign with the agent.
  17. Let the agent sell the book to the publisher, which will require a new contract that gives the agent a higher percentage of all derivative products.
  18. Agent says, ” It’s a good contract. You don’t want to be considered hard to work with. Don’t overthink. Just sign.”
  19. Let the agent’s film agent negotiate the contract for the film, which will require you to reduce your up-front and take points on net while the agent’s agent and the agent lock in a percentage of points on gross for themselves.
  20. Agents all say, ” It’s good. You don’t want to be considered hard to work with. Don’t overthink. Just sign.”
  21. Go online and vaguebook about what might happen soon.
  22. Read the marketing instructions the publisher publicist assigned to your book has sent you. Realize it will be expensive to fly to go to signings and interviews in places like the independent bookstore in Brillton, North Dakota, pop. 1700. Note that the marketeers have committed to nothing except sending you the list.
  23. Ask for money for promotion. Marketing people say, “This is standard for our first time writers.” Agent says, “The money will come. Stay focused.”
  24. Take out a loan against your advance.
  25. Remain upbeat and plucky. Dutifully start the prescribed prepromotion for the book, but carefully adhere to contractual constraints and only hint at the pub date and possible film. Wouldn’t want to sour the deal or be considered hard to work with.
  26. Continue prepromotion for one to five years before you can announce the pub date and the film deal.
  27. Finally announce a publication date range that is intended to match the film release.
  28. Come up with an idea about merchandising. Publisher loves it. Realize that all merchandising revenue is owned by the publisher. It’s a good contract. Don’t overthink it.
  29. Politics and infighting end the film production.
  30. Production company declares bankruptcy.
  31. Agent says they can’t help.
  32. Agent’s film agent won’t return calls or emails.
  33. Hire an entertainment lawyer.
  34. Receive bill from lawyer for lots of phone calls, prework on lawsuit, and the final meeting in which you are told you are a creditor and won’t get paid.
  35. Publisher blames the story. They drop you just after you have delivered the second book, which you wrote in hotel rooms, vans, back alleys, and bookstores while promoting the first book and film. They cancel publication and demand the advance back.
  36. Agent blames the story. The second book, which you personally fought to get back from the publisher, “isn’t right for them at this time.” They drop you and tell you that you have to pay the advance back but won’t get their percentage back because they did their job and get paid for the work they did.
  37. Bookstores remainders your first book. Your name is forever associated with losses on their computer ordering systems. Even if you had another book, they wouldn’t order it because your name is on the cover and the last one lost money. However, they got paid for the books they sold and didn’t have to pay a dime for the books they didn’t sell. There’s that.
  38. You realize that you are the only one who does not get paid for the work you did.
  39. But wait. A huge company bought the assets of the defunct production company. The project is resurrected. The film is made. Hooray!
  40. You celebrate with a banquet for your sister and both your patient, supportive friends. The brewpub has never had it so good.
  41. The film burns bright in pre-release focus viewings. A novelization of the film goes to your former publisher. It tops out the NYT Bestseller List. Everyone gets paid except you because you were only a creditor to the first production company.
  42. Your accountant sends you a bill and a P&L that shows your net profit for the entire process is: -250k.
  43. The lawyer puts a lien on your house.
  44. Return to 1.

Review ~ Storm of the Gods

Welcome to the first outing of a new feature on ShadowSpinners. Every once in a while, when one of us is impressed by a book, we’ll post a review. Sometimes the post might be part of a book tour, like today, in which case there’s an option to enter a giveaway. Don’t worry, we will not be flooding your inbox with empty posts that are just ads for books. We will be very discerning about which books and tours we decide to host.  That said, on to the review:

Storm of the Gods by Amy Braun

An Areios Brothers Novel #1

I was interested in reading Storm of the Gods for two reasons. First, the world building sounded amazing, and I love fantasy novels that bring gods into the mix.  Second, I’d read Amy Braun’s excerpts on the Weekend Writing Warriors blog hop, and always enjoyed the exciting and energetic pace of her action scenes. (Okay, I guess that’s three reasons: world building, gods, action!)

The book did not disappoint in any of those areas.  This urban fantasy is set in a contemporary California that has been taken over and divided up among the Greek gods, who are recently reawakened and looking to kick some ass and get their power back. Oh, they’re still godlike and powerful, but not as much as before, because humans stopped worshipping them. I like my fictional gods with frailties and flaws, and all of the Olympians in Storm, while fearsome and magical, have weak spots, which makes them so much more interesting than all-knowing, all-seeing deities lounging on top of a mountain somewhere. Some of them are indeed super villains, or seem to be, but are layered with so much pathos and personality that they seem quite fresh, despite the fact that we’ve read about them since 7thgrade mythology class.

This new world under the rule of gods is intricately thought out and vividly described, but don’t worry, most of the words you’ll be reading are snappy dialogue and quickly paced action sequences, not florid descriptions of a world gone divine. Actually the world (or California at least) seems to be in pretty sorry shape, with monsters charging about and angry gods destroying things. I’d like to read more about how the rest of the world is reacting to this divine take-over, but maybe they’re just shrugging and ignoring like they do now because—hey—it’s California.

That said, all the magical whiz bang and neato-god stuff wouldn’t be enough to sell me on any book. I am first and foremost a connoisseur of Character, and need well-developed protagonists, allies, friends and enemies to keep me wrapped up in a story. Storm also delivers on this front. In the first pages we meet the Areios brothers; older brother Derek, and younger brother Liam. They are scions, meaning they’re descendants of a god-human hook up. In this case the god is Ares, god of war, and the brothers are his top soldiers, fighting monsters mostly, but also other scions who piss Ares off. Yes, they are kick ass fighters, but they are also compassionate, intelligent, and not too happy about basically being slaves to Ares’ violent whims.

The relationship between Derek and Liam is what really makes this story gripping. From the first pages, you want to hug them and feed them hot chocolate and cookies, they’re so lovable. They have witty, sibling appropriate banter (fans of Supernatural should be very happy) but they care about each other deeply. They have a dark and twisted past involving a rather demented father, but their love for each other keeps them on the right side of that whole good vs. evil conundrum. And they can bring others into their fold, if those others earn their trust. There is a possible love interest blooming, but don’t worry, she’s kickass too and doesn’t slow the action with any lovely dovey nonsense.

My only persnick with Storm is that there might possibly be too much action. The fight scenes are impressive; Derek gets his ass royally kicked soooo many times, but his magical abilities, and those of his brother, help him heal. Just in time to get monster-stomped once again. Although exciting for the most part, it does get to be a bit much for a reader like me who is not so action-oriented. I’m sure many will revel in those long, drawn-out battles. Me, I’d rather listen to Liam and Derek tee-off on each other. I’m very much looking forward to the sequel, maybe with more page time for Liam (hint hint).

I highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys urban fantasy, and who is not adverse to generous helpings of whiz-bang, action, re-imagined mythology, and humorous banter.

I received an ARC in order to review this book, but I’d already bought my own copy, so there.

***

Storm of the Gods

An Areios Brothers Novel #1

by Amy Braun

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Thirty years ago, the gods of Greek legend returned to the world. Their return restored their powers, which had been spent in a cataclysmic battle with the Titans. With the ancient deities imprisoned in Tartarus, the Olympians now reside in Néo Vasíleio, formerly known as California.

Twenty-four-year-old Derek Aerios is a war scion, a descendant of Ares, the God of War. He and his brother, eighteen-year-old Liam, capture mythological creatures and rogue scions as part of Ares’s elite military force. As he struggles to cope with his violent powers and the scars of a traumatic childhood, Derek tries to keep the two vows he has made: protect his brother, and never kill a human again.

But when Ares forces him to hunt and kill four rogue scions under Athena’s control—by threatening Liam’s life—Derek chooses to go after the scions in order to save his brother and keep his promise to himself.

Yet the closer Derek gets to the scions, the more he realizes that his orders are part of a deeper conspiracy that put him at odds with his mission and his conscience. Athena may not be the enemy, a traitor could be in their midst, and the Titans could be closer to freedom than ever before.

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Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42072790-storm-of-the-gods

Buy Links
Amazon:https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Gods-Areios-Brothers-Novel-ebook/dp/B07GCRJS1Z
B&N:https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/storm-of-the-gods-amy-braun/1128858892
Kobo:https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/storm-of-the-gods

 

 

About the Author

Amy is a Canadian urban fantasy and horror author. Her work revolves around monsters, magic, mythology, and mayhem. She started writing in her early teens, and never stopped. She loves building unique worlds filled with fun characters and intense action. She is an active member of the Weekend Writing Warrior community.

When she isn’t writing, she’s reading, watching movies, taking photos, gaming, struggling with chocoholism and ice cream addiction, and diving headfirst into danger in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns

 

Website* Newsletter* Facebook* Twitter* Instagram* Amazon* Goodreads

 

Author Links

Website:http://amybraunauthor.com/books/storm-of-the-gods

Newsletter:http://eepurl.com/dFm9cL
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/amybraunauthor

Twitter:https://twitter.com/amybraunauthor

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/amybraunauthor

Amazon:https://www.amazon.com/Amy-Braun/e/B00MU4BBYS

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8452020.Amy_Braun

 

Giveaway

Signed paperback copy of STORM OF THE GODS, various bookmarks, and postcards (US & Canada only), $25 Amazon (WW) – 1 winner each

 

Follow the tour HERE for exclusive excerpts, guest posts and a giveaway!

https://www.silverdaggertours.com/sdsxx-tours/storm-of-the-gods-book-tour-and-giveaway